The Titans of Kentucky Straight Bourbon

I would consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur of fine Kentucky Straight Bourbon. I have been partaking of it much longer than this so called current “craze” you see taking place. There are even many smaller companies making craft bourbons, many of which are very good. That aside, this is the guide for those that want to drink some good shit and wake up not remembering a god damned thing.

Ancient Age - 5/ 5 stars

What can you say about Ancient Age. This heavenly nectar from Buffalo Trace distillers is probably the cheapest Kentucky Straight Bourbon you can find, running about 5 dollars a pint. It is smooth, there are hints of oak char, seasoned lilac traces, cherry uppers and it finishes off nicely with a coffee/chocolate flavor. This is the best bang for your buck, by far. This is the drink to get because it repels all the assholes who want to leech off you because you were smart enough to bring the flask to the party, or bar (until they have a few drinks and their inhibitions are gone, at this point just tell them you already “killed it”).

Old Crow – 3.5/ 5 stars

A little more back woodsy with traces of embers straight from the 1600’s Native Americans fire, with mellow tannins that touch the inner core. Old Crow has a hard finish with a smooth onset, a real “party pleaser” and “pussy getter.” Don’t mix with valium or opiates/opioids or you will wake up next to a fat bitch, or in the hood, or in a bush. It’s very nice paired with nachos or am/pm’s McRib sandwiches. Holler at me if you buy a bottle and we’ll wash some down together.

Evan Williams – 3/5 stars

As the name implies this drink fucks you like a real gentleman. First he creeps in through your back door when you least expect it. Then he talks to you straight in the eye, and you begin to want fuck him (even though you aren’t gay) and you don’t know why. You guys have hardcore sex but you are fine with it for some reason, as his smooth workings and woman like touches hit the left and right side of your tongue “just right.” The next morning you ask yourself, “what did I do?” then you tell yourself, “oh, well it was so good I’d do it all again.”

Jim Beam – 1.5/5 stars

A little oaken/pine beginnings with mild baked vanilla overtones, wrapped in a mocha tortilla. JB ends with a solid bottle rocket of magic, a cornucopia of charred bacon, musk and chipotle. Jim Beam isn’t a very good date, he seems logical at first if you want to show up at a bourgeois party and not look like an asshole (see above choices). He’s the only one that makes you look not unrefined. Grab him for looks only, and if you are going to a crappy party, but try and high-tail it outta there and get some Ancient Age or some better shit or your dignity.

Makers Mark – 4/5 stars

If you just got paid and want to splurge on a decent, higher end bourbon go with MM. I compare good old Mark to the guy(s) from all those shitty commercials out capitalizing on being the most interesting man in the world (a la; Old Spice/Tecate); although I don’t fall for their corny marketing ploy, I get it. But Mark is the real deal, if you were a woman, he would be long-dicking you before you could finish saying Mar-. Crisp fall apple beginning followed by subtle piratesque oceanic/wooden plank middles, ending with a grilled coconut/eucalyptus experience!

Old Grand Dad – 4.5/5 stars

I guess “daddy knows best,” some may say, and I would have to agree. Not all places have daddy, but if your local liquor establishment knows their classics they will carry this fine beverage (If not Rite Aid carries it). Be careful with this one, trust me. Its good paired with hard drugs and at least 2 girls. If you are with other guys try and ditch them some how, if all goes planned you will have a great night. Tell the girls that the guys hanging around you got really high one night and fucked each other and one gave the other herpes, just make something up and shake them. Daddy hits you like a brick, with a pungent cedar beginning and middle, then railroads you with an oaken finish that makes you wince and proclaim “oh god!” Hopefully they will be saying that too as you 3 or 4 do your thing.

Enjoying Your Beijing Trip by Getting a Relaxing Nude Massage

A Beijing nude therapeutic massage could be appreciated as a typical therapeutic massage wherever the masseuse intends to create your body and its joints and muscle groups chill out together with getting your body slide right into a totally peaceful state. Every time a nude therapeutic massage in Beijing is carried out by an personal companion it might consequence within a sexual experience. However it is intended to become a kind of physique and genital message with warmoil getting rubbed above the entire body and all of its areas. When this type of massage is totally efficient the companion being massaged might basically drop asleep at the completion since they are so entirely comfortable. So it would operate out greatest in the event that the two intimate partners took turns performing this kind of massage at different times so neither is dissatisfied together with the final results. Supplying a nude massage in Beijing could be as stimulating as obtaining one.

It is considerably the same just as if the massage girl intended to deliver the spouse to some entire sexual erection. It could also be used if a companion is experiencing any sort of impotence. This will be a therapeutic massage for that partner.

A massage therapist could be a male or the therapeutic massage business might only hire the girls or you could possibly have your option of possibly choosing a male or feminine massage therapist. Which one you decide on if you have a option is fully approximate you. Once you made an appointment you should permit the receptionist know very well what your preference is for a masseuse. In lots of additional cases, you will have your choice of masseuse. For instance, you might desire a blond or even a brunette or maybe a redhead. In case that they provide this kind of selection they’ll usually post photographs which you can choose from on their web sites. In this way you are able to also select bust measurement, bum form and extended legged or possibly a shorter person. They will often have great complete entire body shots so there’ll be no surprises once you face your massage therapist.

For an actual relaxing massage in Beijing, the therapist massages the muscles and connective tissues by using the fingers and also the palms of the hand. They could also make use of the forearms when they are working on your back. When your massage is done on a therapeutic massage mat, the massage therapist might stroll on your own back again or kneel on your back again to provide you the therapeutic massage. In the event that the masseuse will massage your system, they will try to massage the tendons, ligaments, the joints and also the key muscle mass groups and will also massage the miner muscle groups. A nude massage in Beijing may entail all portions of the body getting massaged and consist of sexual gratification.

The gratification will rely on your own preferences and how you personally opt to have interaction or take part in the massage it may well be with sounds or without having sound since it is all your option. Particularly as to what number of the 7 senses you would like to be affected by this kind of therapeutic massage. Sounds certain could be erotic as may be particular warm oils. Clothing on the beijing massage therapist may make a modify and established the tone with the massage.