A Little Different

As we staggered out
The restaurant
At 2:30 AM
I asked my friend
If these two girls I met
Could come over to his pad
He said, “Sure”
We swung by their car
They happened to have
Champagne
So with that bottle we headed back
We smoked a J
And split to my house a few
Blocks over
They started making out
I dove in
Clothes came off
Fingers were penetrating
Girls were moaning
I got handed a magnum
Not a gun
Put it on
I woke up two hours later
With two blondes next to me
That was nice
Both were very nice on the eyes
One had pigtails
Not bad
I surveyed my apartment
It looked fucked up
I felt fucked up
I went back to sleep and
Slept all day

The Box Epidemic

I woke up one day to realize that I had been in a coma for 15 years. The doctors told me it was a medical mystery that I had survived and had awakened. After a couple weeks of intensive therapy I left the hospital excited to see what advances had taken places over the last 15 years.

Back before the accident in 1996 people were talking about the internet a little bit, but it wasn’t that common, I was shocked to see how pervasive this so called internet was in everyone’s lives. Also everyone kept asking me if I had a “Facebook.” It really got quite annoying.

The one thing that I particularly could not stand was how everyone had these little black and sometimes different colored boxes. They were the newest cell phones, so I was told. But I didn’t understand why everyone was always staring at the screen of their cell phone. Were they watching TV on them, I wondered? I would see couples out together, neither talking to each other how we used to do it before the accident, but both had their faces buried in their cell phones ignoring each other.

Large groups of people would go out at night together and would be walking down the street. Most of these people would be staring at these boxes, and often times people would be touching the screens really fast. This new thing really bothered me. Every time I hung out with my friends and family they would be looking at/tapping their box, and nod to what I was saying to only ask me later, “What did you say?”

I came to the dreadful conclusion that the whole world was addicted to these boxes. I thought that maybe it was only an addiction that occurred in America, so I went to other countries, all seemed to have this box addiction. People had become drones that let these boxes dictate their lives, checking their “Facebook” pages, chatting with their friends that were right next to them. People were completely infatuated with these boxes.

Back before the big accident when the internet was just a baby I used to go on a really popular website called Mullets Galore. From there I found a link about people who were sick of cell phones. They would dress up as large cell phones, go grab other people’s phones, smash them, and then run off. Oh how I yearn for those days.

I decided I would one up those folks I fondly remembered. I dressed up as an Iphone, went up to a couple that was embedded in their phones while they were eating outdoors at a nice restaurant. I pulled out a gun and put the barrel in my mouth. I pulled the trigger and my brains spread into their pasta. I didn’t want to be in this world where peoples lives were dictated by little black boxes.

Why Most Apple Fanatics Suck

What’s with people who are obsessed with Apple and everything the company does? Yeah they make cool software and at times have nifty innovations. Why is there such a “Cult of Apple?” There are three major factors which I will outline below.

Guess what? You are the people that fell for that ridiculous advert bonanza back in 2006 or whatever the fuck year that was. You know, the commercial where that douche bag actor juxtaposes next to a supposed PC nerd type actor. Exploiting obvious stereotypes that any idiot under a rock could see through. No doubt there are archaic PC assholes out there, and a lot seem to be named “Steve.” If I were Microsoft or some other brand within the PC world I would have responded with a likewise campaign showing a working class person (not an edgy teen) who can actually afford a 300-800 dollar computer next to an elitist coffee house spider-rat who borrows their parents cash flow so they can have a 2000 dollar computer.

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Image credit: Stolen

Here is what’s funny. When you buy an Apple you are married to its OS, when one buys a PC they are married to absolutely no OS, except for the fact they can’t run OS X, which I bet a lot of money on, there is some Linux based OS that mimics it extremely well.

Get off Steve Jobs jock, he is not god. Sure he is smart but it gets annoying as fuck people obsessed with everything that motherfucker does. I don’t know of any supposed PC nerds that worship Bill Gates…do you? Plus didn’t you hear the news; Mr. Jobs has a foot in the grave, leave him alone!

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Image credit: stolen

With these 3 reasons; you fell for a dumb advertising campaign, you are married to an OS when you buy an Apple computer, and finally you worship Steve Jobs, I therefore declare you an asshole.

Disclaimer: If you really use your Mac for your trade in which there are certainly benefits, a la graphic designer, architect, video editor, etc, you are exempt barring you don’t worship Steve Jobs.

That being said, I will attack Iphones soon which are a whole new can of worms I will “crack” open at a later time…

Marx & Materialism

Aside from race relations never being properly resolved in Marx’s brilliant ideas I often wonder about what his take on fashion and art would possibly be. It clicked for me when I started thinking about the differences between design and art and I believe he (Marx) would agree with what follows.

Design always has functionality; someone may look at a beautiful chair by Herman Miller Co. and say, “Wow that is a lovely piece of art.” Although more and more we are seeing the blurring of the line betwixt art and design it should be clearly stated that design is always functional in some aspect. Art is pure, it does nothing other than evoke thoughts, emotions or other feelings or concepts to the people that experience it.

Design is used to sell objects with varying levels of functionality, although it should be noted the functionality can be the use to sell items alone. Shepard Fairey is on hundreds of items including skate boards. Let’s dissect this from a Marxist point of view. When one works for someone else they are whoring out their labor for that person. When one does work on an object they are literally imparting an aspect of themselves on the object. So when Mr. Fairey designs a series of skateboards for Real or Chocolate or whatever skateboard company he contracts with and they in return hand him 10,000 dollars, he has by definition produced design. The functionality here is so that it helps sell skateboards (ownership prestige) also skateboards are functional devices in that you use them to ride.

Now if we expand this to all aspects of life we can see how it may effect clothes, housing, technology; all aspects of life are touched. Can you imagine if all that humans cared about were functionalities of objects, and weren’t caught up in the design aspect (materialism)? We would be one step closer to a classless society and I would argue that social and technological advancements would take place much faster.

1984, right? Wrong, this is not what I’m talking about here. I am not talking about the state telling everyone to wear drab grey clothes and shave our heads. I am talking about a natural/innate feature that would manifest within people at their own will to strive for functionality rather than materialism. Materialism has become quite disgusting in the United States and most other western countries. Just go into any mainstream club in a major city and look around, the divide and lack of caring or involvement with social issues is very obvious by simply striking up a quick conversation with an average person. Also, speaking fashion wise for a quick second, what the hell are people doing; Tapout, Affliction….really? Ed Hardy…still?

Is it really that big of a deal? Aren’t you stereotyping people? Yes, and maybe. It is a big deal because individual fashion and materialism has run so rampant in this country certain people (cough cough, hipsters) won’t even talk to you if you don’t look a certain way. At least their predecessors were a bit more socially conscious. Not anymore, thanks Ke$ha. Stereotyping; maybe sometimes but if a female is wearing Gucci head to toe, how often to you think a man with five bucks in his pocket is going to approach this other person. The point here is to point out that class is evident by the way a person conducts their appearance. I think fashion, cars, houses, etc are all dramatic statements made by many people at varying degrees.

The conclusion is that within a truly advanced symbiotic utopian type society design should be thrown out and rebuked. Pure art should be embraced and practiced by all of those who want to take part in it. Art can be defined as something that affects any of the senses including music, sculpture, paintings, etc. Art should not be sold but should be displayed for the public to participate in.