There Goes The Neighborhood

It used to be just the queers here

And us

We were the odd men out

Queers amongst queers

But they accepted us and things were good

Then the people moved out

And rents went down

Aspiring actors and various other shit-bags moved in

And took over

Half naked girls appeared by the pool

But this was somehow worse

Now couples and groups of friends

Scream and argue in the street

About jobs

And love

And auditions

I hear them through the window and I hate them

Every day

The sky is queer and gray at night

I’m sure it’s always been this way

But I notice it more now

My Bucket List*

*Reality-based “fiction”

  • Drink an ayahuasca and tonic.
  • Throw a frozen GoGirl at someone’s head who’s wearing a “livestrong” bracelet.
  • Foursome with hot disenfranchised former Soviet Bloc girls.
  • Literally ride a tiger (under humane conditions of course). I refuse to think Ronnie James wasn’t on to something major.
  • Free baited bears and help kill their keepers by pulling out their teeth and nails and making them fight dogs.
  • Accurately define “Neohyperpostfuturism” and teach it at Harvard.
  • Take a bullet (non-lethal/debilitating).
  • Build a Mandroid and teach it to drive.
  • Go semi-pro in the bumfighting circuit.
  • Witness munging.
  • Scuba up to an oceanside party wearing a tux under my wetsuit, then join the festivities with a “no biggie” attitude.
  • Hang out with Len. I wonder what happened to him/them…
  • Heroin in the dorsal, n.q.a. (not to rip off Mitch J)
  • Shine a lazer into the cockpit of Air Force One.
  • Travel through time.
  • Learn Majick

I think that might be it.  For now, anyways.

My Bucket List*

*Complete Fiction

  • Do some gay shit (Just to see if it’s all the hype)
  • Do needle drugs, injecting into my penis vein
  • Get raped, and collect SSI
  • Walk in on two of my buddies’ dads butt-fucking
  • Run a meth lab using child labor
  • Buy a bride and resell her on the black market
  • Buy dirty bomb materials on the black market
  • Be a black market salesman
  • Be part of a federal investigation
  • Be a part of an electronic band that lip-syncs all their material
  • Own an Island
  • Make the island a sovereign nation
  • Do that shit where you kidnap people and let rich old men hunt them (on my island)
  • Have a near death experience, do DMT, see if DMT and NDE are similar
  • Do PCP, get naked and be on an episode of COPS
  • Visit North Korea and attempt to “go undercover”
  • Do that thing that other people can do on the internet, where they can stick their own penis head in their own asshole (tried, not long enough)
  • Bring things back to the way they were in 88’
  • Shut down the internet and make people get a fucking life

To Be Continued…

Krappy Kouples

If you have wandered over to my occasional rant-articles from time to time and are here again, congratulations. Now ask yourselves; do I have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, this article may offend you, or it might do quite the opposite. You may pat yourself on your back and say to yourself “wow, I have a healthy and thriving relationship!”

Let’s get to the meat of it. My last relationship sucked really badly. I mean it sucked beyond a Dyson on crack rocks. Granted I’m in no way perfect, it by no means justified the nasty things I endured. My judgment was cloudy, for, I was in love* and let bullshit (understatement) slide.

If your relationship resembles a dictatorship, run! The cloudy judgment situation I just mentioned above might make personal ownership of this reality hard, if this is the case sincerely ask a friend what he/she thinks about the status of your relationship. Ask a friend you can trust, not a biased friend or a friend that does weird immature attention seeking behaviors. Get the dirty, raw truth.

Here are some examples that may help you realize you are in trouble (SO = Significant Other):

• SO may give you a hard time ANY time you chat with another girl/boy
• SO gets mad if you check out another male/female
• SO may give you a pouty-face any time you want to do something without him/her**
• SO may be violent
• SO may rant incessantly while under the influence of alcohol or drugs***
• SO may be very rigid in their belief system and cut you off very quickly if your opinion diverges
• SO spends an awful lot of time talking badly about your friends
• SO wants to move very fast in the relationship IE. say “I love you” within a few weeks
• SO makes you feel insecure ON PURPOSE
• SO constantly accuses you of making them insecure
• SO makes you feel bad for inviting friends over to your own house
• SO has mommy OR daddy issues
• All of SOs friends mysteriously hate you, even though they don’t know you

If you find yourself in one of these “hot and heavy” relationships, yes I understand that dick or pussy may be lightning in a can, but please do us all a favor and at least sit back and objectively inspect your relationship. Do you hide aspects of your relationship from your close friends or parents? Do you find yourself hardly ever doing what you used to do, and only what new guy/girl wants to do/ wants you to do? These might all be signs of trouble.

If you have deemed the relationship is indeed true love****, talk to your SO and explain to them you would like to slow down and build a real relationship based on solid ground, hell, get counseling if you deem it appropriate. Bottom line is, you don’t have to end it, just realize that relationships built on solid groundings are much healthier and will add to the overall happiness of both parties.

If you are in one of these relationships and they go unchecked plan on some of the following to occur in your life:

• Getting arrested
• Physical fights
• Jealousy
• You losing friends
• Constant drama

I originally planned on writing this short article as a brutal stab at dictatorship style relationships^ but rather I decided to take the higher path and tried to outline a route one may navigate if they feel that they may be susceptible to this type of situation. I realized that hindsight isn’t 20/20, and that I have fallen prey to one or more of these seemingly endless cycles of mutual abuse. Always remember teddy bears are usually on sale at Wal-mart if you need comfort. Also good sex costs about $150 on, which is about the same cost you are probably spending on dinner/movies/etc to get that sweet vagina/dick if stuck in one of these lame relationships. But I will concede, “damn, sex is good with crazy bitches!”

* thought I was in love
** manipulation
*** or sober
**** realize it probably isn’t
^ Which have been on the rise for various sociological reasons, at the top of the list; pseudo-facebook-superstar mentality.

An Ode to Shark Eyes

You(re) fake smile
And your dead eyes
Look right through me
They always did
I saw that
God forsaken
Excuse for a soul
No soul
Gotta go on a search
But until then
Keep smiling that
Fake smile
It’s painfully obvious
Unless your fucking that person
You want to believe that fake
But deep down
A fake smile
Is a fake smile
And it looks right through people
And through the walls
And out into the sidewalk
And falls into the gutter
That fake smile
The gutter sweeper comes by
Instead of raking it up in its load
It breaks a bristle on that
Nasty thing in the gutter
That smile may have no
But its teeth are rotten as hell
Its gums decay
Rotten flesh oozes
Like the brain matter
That fake smile
Sinisterly tricks
Prefrontal cortex
You got it
The right neuron
To the right neuron
But that fake smile
Knows its fake
No matter how much it
Denies it
Its hole-through-walls
Path of devastation
Is evident
Wish I would have
Taken that rubber
That you tore off
The first night
And flushed it, along with
Your fake smile
Down the toilet
And told that
Fake smile to
Rot in hell

Energy, Governments, & Noam Chomsky

By Michael Jones

Governments ignore externalities of corporations, this is the way Washington (and global economy) works, politics, lobbyists, etc. The modern juggernaut of a corporation has to flip profits at amazing rates and will let nothing get in its path, including the government. This has become the rule, not the exception. If governments would pay attention to, and require all businesses to take care of any externalities which are negative, and caused by corporations we might find ourselves in a much better place. An externality is anything that occurs as an unintended consequence; here we are talking about them in the context of corporations. I.E., if DOW Chemical has unforeseen waste product and sends it down the river, oops, that’s an externality. Most externalities of importance and which I am writing about are usually in the forms of pollution and inequality to humans (sweat shops, etc). Pollution usually goes hand in hand with the later form since large corporations are not likely to shit in their own backyards.

Is sustainable energy possible and what technology will we use if it is? Fossil fuel has been the driving force that has allowed Earth’s number of humans to skyrocket since the industrial revolution. It was an anomaly that we found oil and exploited it to the level we did at that time. Coal and Nuclear power sources are not good long term solutions for our impending shortage crisis. There is no such thing as clean coal as our current so called “clean coal” scheme entails us pumping the waste deep underground for future generations to deal with it, much like nuke power, but arguably less dangerous. Nuclear waste lasts almost forever and we just fill mountains with it, in the hopes that “science” will figure out what to do with it one day. If every home and business’s roof were to add solar arrays and those were possibly augmented with wind turbines (in good candidate locales) we may be in a better situation but as Mr. Chomsky suggests below,  perhaps where we have found ourselves is not fixable in time for us to become sustainable. But perhaps through very hard work we can have a grass roots effort to make a huge paradigm shift.

Lastly I ask about structures of society. Although his answer is to the point, he makes it clear that exactly how we get there, a roadmap of sorts is not clearly defined. I too believe that institutions should be democratized or as I like to call it “collectivized”. Businesses should be shared ownership collectives with the employees much like current unions but empowering the employee even more. Yes, there are indeed many hurdles to jump over to realize a collective based non-profit, sustainable democratic society. Just to name a few there are large scope programs we would have to figure out how to run; hospitals, prisons, infrastructure, local government (if there is to be any), and defense (if there is to be any). These are all very complicated structures to figure out, and with the current power structure of our nation the road map there would likely be very rough indeed, but as Mr. Chomsky alludes to below it is not impossible.

Here is my short Q & A with Noam Chomsky:

MJ: Our economy is so extremely dependent on petroleum oil, which in effect has allowed our world population to grow exponentially in the last 100 years (I believe this is a main contributing factor). Do you see a way for which we continue to live via science finding new and innovative techniques to replace the oil which will inevitably run out and possibly destroy our society? Do you think that markets are dynamic enough to cope with the problem (IE. Oil goes up to $10/gallon so people buy electric cars/stop driving)?

NC: There’s very little reason to believe that markets can solve the problem. In fact, they are exacerbating it, and are likely to drive the world to destruction because of inherent and well-known flaws of markets, notably, ignoring externalities. Governments could do it, if they can free themselves from control by concentrated capital and consider instead human needs – in this case, decent survival. We can’t be certain that sustainable energy is attainable, probably mainly solar, but it’s a fair possibility.

MJ: Do you think that we must, in the end, go back to basics and become local level economies (much of how many operate in developing countries) buying our food and other goods that will be sold and manufactured at the local level, reducing middle men/product packaging? I don’t believe that capitalism is sustainable the way it currently runs because it requires unlimited growth, and we of course have finite resources. I am not favorable of communism in the way that many past and current countries have implemented it because they invariably use a dictator (although, I think fondly of many of Marx’s great ideas). I think that a type of society that utilized democracy but didn’t allow private ownership of land would be best for humanity.

NC: I think a society could come into being based on democratic control of institutions and overcoming illegitimate structures of authority and domination. It will take a lot of work and commitment, but there is no inherent reason why that is impossible to attain.