Editor’s note: After literally days and looking through zero resumes a possible new writer has been considered. We certainly welcome diversity here at LanguageAbuse, so we commissioned a gay dude. Here is the email from our candidate.

HOLLA what’s up Mr. Smith? Life’s good as good as it can be in lame ass Sacramento:/ As long as I have a tiara on my head and a dick in my mouth, I have no complaints:) So I’m down to contribute some shit to your site I just need to know what is off limits?
I can be pretty blunt for instance some of the stuff I write about may consist of the topics.. Ass-fucking,Cum swallowing,abortion,the fact that I hate children,Whores,cocain,being double-dicked,Jews are lame in bed,retards can be Douche bags too!
Bi-sexuality,how I like to eat snatch while being ass fucked,and of course my love for all things Disney Princess related oh and I almost forgot how I like to watch people masturbate:) I think the stuff you write rocks. I love it when people speak their minds and I don’t get offended by much. So I’m on board!!