The Pharm party bullshit

I first heard of pharm parties from a friend and thought it sounded cool. I want to get in on the action of a pharm party. It doesn’t sound like a very upbeat or energetic sort of party but at least it’s social.

Apparently the term has been popularized through expensive cable television shows I don’t get, so needless to say I’m out to lunch when it comes to famous peoples’ problems. I digress, this isn’t about Pharm Parties at all. This is about why I fucking hate kids who have access to good pill drugs and refuse sell them to me.

I’m pissed off that I can’t get good pills anywhere, not good or strong ones. And I live in the god damned state where I used to brag about how easy it was to get drugs. I don’t smoke weed so that’s going to be a problem.

Here’s why I’m pissed. I work with a bunch of rich kids who are prescribed good pharmaceutical drugs, either because their parents failed, or they just suck at life. I use them because I enjoy them, and unfortunately I’m perfectly healthy enough not to be prescribed anything.

These retarded college students have headaches and Attention Deficit Disorder and copious other bullshit ‘disorders’ that they take drugs for. I guess I missed that age where if I felt uncomfortable or couldn’t study, I took an Advil or I failed a test.

I went in to the doctor because half of my face was going numb on a regular basis and he gave me an anti-inflammatory. I told him I already take Advil. His answer, well you have to take Advil three times a day and you only have to take this twice. Really!? This is your fucking selling point.

Fuck maybe if I told him I can’t read he’d give me the legal cocaine known as Adderall. Maybe I should have told him I was ass-raped by a drunken and violent Catholic Priest in some shady prostitution ring and my asshole was inside out I’d get some medium grade Vicodin.

But these shithead students bother me to no end. I can’t get these students to sell me drugs for the life of me, and I’ll spend some scratch on some good pill drugs. The problem is that these kids’ parents are already so rich, offering money is useless. And my favorite is the situational ethics they decide to employ, I don’t want to contribute to your drug habit.

I ask this student where no one would hear us.

“Hey I hear you have Adderall.” I get the usual skeptical look stone look”…yeah.
“Who told you?”
“Doesn’t matter, everyone here knows everything.”
“I’ve just never tried it, I hear the clouds part when you’re on the stuff, and a lot of people really seem to enjoy it.”

Needless to say guy loves the shit. “Oh man, I take that stuff when I’m studying and I’m all over the place writing papers and doing everything.”

Hmm good, I’ve never done blow but I hear its close. I’m torn between funding the pharmaceutical companies within the US or funding the FARC in Columbia. I guess that’s why I’ve never done blow. We all have standards.

I guess all I can do is plant the seed. Money is useless against this one. He has all the video games and Blue Ray DVDs Best Buy has. I’m clueless as to someone who is immune to the black market.

I hate these fucking late teen community college students, because they’re fucking stingy, and money is no incentive to them. They are clueless that they are the perfect demographic. But they are the demographic that has unmitigated and endless access and supplies. Anyone born after 1990 has some fucking illusionary problem which requires a drug I want.

One person at work takes hydrocodone for her headaches, and she asked me if I had ever taken it.
I said “Yeah, you have some?”
“Isn’t it great?!”
“How much do you want per pill?”
“Uhh I don’t think I have that many left.”

She insists on calling my bluff because I am ‘so open’ about my drug use. I don’t really care, but she constantly thinks I’m lying.

Listen here little miss, I take it in the ass to keep my virginity, hypocrite. You take drugs because you’re a pussy, and you also don’t drink because you’re Mormon, or at least used to be. Word on the street is that she rebelled against the Mormon church. I think she found another religion that probably included blacks in their congregation or something. I think the no drinking policy is nothing more than leftover guilt and shame. Can’t bribe this one with booze.

What do you do with these people?

YOU’RE IN FUCKING COLLEGE AND YOU HAVE DRUGS! You are the ones that have so much more access to the good shit. I had to steal expired Vicodins from my mom a few years ago. The jars were right next to the flax seed and One a Day vitamins, so it was an easy score.

All is not lost, I have a friend who has a substantial and seemingly endless amount of Valium, that’s good. I love it, but I need something stronger. I always consider buying Nyquil at the end of my day even when I’m not sick. It helps but sometimes I want to be high and be awake at the same time.

On the weekends all I really need to do is buy him some booze he gives me a few vallis and its done. He gets what he wants, I get what I want and we go out and party. It’s a pretty fucking simple exchange, black market or otherwise. We each have something we want and we exchange.

I don’t know if I can blame these still nursing students about econ 101. Maybe they failed because they didn’t have Adderall yet, maybe they never took the class. Maybe they just don’t know the street value of drugs yet.