Why Folsom Sucks #1

Why Folsom sucks, is not an axiom, it’s a careful observation and participation in a community known for its small town vibe, and small town ideas, compounded with conspicuous consumption, and egregious whiteness. Folsom, and I dare even include the grid which is Sacramento, act like, what they think people in Los Angeles act like, and add to it unimaginable levels of parsimonious behavior. This is a series which I am confident will have no end, much like the expansion of the universe. Which is nice because the continuing series of Why Folsom Sucks can go on Ad Infinitum hopefully long after I die.

I decided to start this series recently as I was trying to merge onto Rainbow Bridge and clearly someone thought they were more important, or the King of the Road enough to refuse to weave, to let cars merge in a polite and expected manner. She gunned it, pole position over the bridge was paramount. She was right next to my car and two lanes were quickly becoming one. What should any self respecting and equal driver of the road do? Well.

Now, I may have gassed my car and pretended not see this whore, I didn’t look her way, I refused to give her the pleasure of being recognized. She honked and started flailing like an overcompensating born again Christian speaking in tongues. I can only hope has a case of the mange on her corrosive pussy. I simply refused to let her cut in line. I stood my ground and this was unconscionable to her, go fig.

Such unfashioned behavior from a woman who drives a nice car. A car nice enough that the Folsom Police Department wouldn’t pay attention to. Average enough to remain invisible with all the other Beamers (more on police harassment later and junky cars). I can only hope she feels distress and belittled by her colleagues when she has to drive such an average piece of shit to work. An average piece of shit her husband refuses to wash.

This is just one of the many awful human beings at work here in Folsom trying to screw everyone else for a one second advantage over a shitty bridge that was built in the oughts. This was a matter of self respect, humbling arrogance, and a lesson in taking turns. To the 50 year old horse banging slut, this isn’t Fallujah, this is a lesson on taking turns. And this is Why Folsom Sucks, because baby boomers don’t seem to know how to share yet.

-J-