The Cedar Room was an old haunt me and all my heavy drinking buddies used to frequent in the early 2000′s. It sucks now. And I don’t drink like I’m getting paid for it any longer. The Cedar Room recently changed hands like an autocratic regime. The experienced elder got old and sickly and was forced to retire, while the dipshit son took over and fucked a good thing up by changing everything.

The Cedar Room once upon a time was a funky neighborhood bar with panties and dollar bills thumb-tacked to every conceivable spot on the ceiling and walls. Shots of Tre Generacions were swilled at rock bottom prices, and depending on the bartender smoking was allowed. I may have even passed out on the bar and woke up at around 5am with the door open. It was truly a black hole, people came and stayed for nights and decades. Time stopped here and the people changed slowly, reluctantly. When a place is this bad for you, it’s hard to let go. I spent many years destroying my health and destroying others’ health.

I digress, it’s complete bullshit now because of the new / old ownership. According to the Cedar Room website that looks like it was built in the late 90′s compounded with stock images pasted over other shitty stock images its perfect for LAN parties. Who the fuck has LAN parties any more? I was never in the scene but I don’t know. I do know a LAN party at the cedar Room will prevent you from getting even the raunchiest torn up vag, imprisoned by at least twelve hours by old denim pants that smell of that potpourri powder you spread on the carpet and vacuum up.

I thought, well why not inquire about hosting a LAN party.

Me – Hello,

I was looking around for a places to host a LAN party and the Cedar Room is central to where me and my friends live. I would like to find out a couple of things, what are the going rates for hosting a LAN party, and how many people can the Cedar Room accommodate? I plan on having roughly eight to 12 people at this function. I would also like to find out if your wireless connection supports 802.11n for increased local bandwidth. Also, does Comcast block any outgoing ports (other than port 25 obviously) that would prevent us from reaching our servers out on the net? We are probably going to order pizza, which we will happily share with the staff. I was thinking of hosting the party in the next three weeks, exact date to be determined.

I got a response about 8-10 minutes later.

Rob – I put in Comcast Power Boost wireless Internet with Lan parties being one of the reasons I went with the more expensive but faster service. So, the answer to all of your questions is yes, that is assuming your party will be ordering drinks and beers. I will have to check on your port question, and will resolve it if it’s an issue. I am a gadget and internet freak, a nerd if you will, and do not like it when I might be considered electronically inadequate. Thus, we’ll make your party a good one for you, and hopefully from a business standpoint a profitable one for me.

Send your phone number and I’ll call this eve…am in a class right now.

-Rob