The Box Epidemic

I woke up one day to realize that I had been in a coma for 15 years. The doctors told me it was a medical mystery that I had survived and had awakened. After a couple weeks of intensive therapy I left the hospital excited to see what advances had taken places over the last 15 years.

Back before the accident in 1996 people were talking about the internet a little bit, but it wasn’t that common, I was shocked to see how pervasive this so called internet was in everyone’s lives. Also everyone kept asking me if I had a “Facebook.” It really got quite annoying.

The one thing that I particularly could not stand was how everyone had these little black and sometimes different colored boxes. They were the newest cell phones, so I was told. But I didn’t understand why everyone was always staring at the screen of their cell phone. Were they watching TV on them, I wondered? I would see couples out together, neither talking to each other how we used to do it before the accident, but both had their faces buried in their cell phones ignoring each other.

Large groups of people would go out at night together and would be walking down the street. Most of these people would be staring at these boxes, and often times people would be touching the screens really fast. This new thing really bothered me. Every time I hung out with my friends and family they would be looking at/tapping their box, and nod to what I was saying to only ask me later, “What did you say?”

I came to the dreadful conclusion that the whole world was addicted to these boxes. I thought that maybe it was only an addiction that occurred in America, so I went to other countries, all seemed to have this box addiction. People had become drones that let these boxes dictate their lives, checking their “Facebook” pages, chatting with their friends that were right next to them. People were completely infatuated with these boxes.

Back before the big accident when the internet was just a baby I used to go on a really popular website called Mullets Galore. From there I found a link about people who were sick of cell phones. They would dress up as large cell phones, go grab other people’s phones, smash them, and then run off. Oh how I yearn for those days.

I decided I would one up those folks I fondly remembered. I dressed up as an Iphone, went up to a couple that was embedded in their phones while they were eating outdoors at a nice restaurant. I pulled out a gun and put the barrel in my mouth. I pulled the trigger and my brains spread into their pasta. I didn’t want to be in this world where peoples lives were dictated by little black boxes.

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