Krappy Kouples

If you have wandered over to my occasional rant-articles from time to time and are here again, congratulations. Now ask yourselves; do I have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, this article may offend you, or it might do quite the opposite. You may pat yourself on your back and say to yourself “wow, I have a healthy and thriving relationship!”

Let’s get to the meat of it. My last relationship sucked really badly. I mean it sucked beyond a Dyson on crack rocks. Granted I’m in no way perfect, it by no means justified the nasty things I endured. My judgment was cloudy, for, I was in love* and let bullshit (understatement) slide.

If your relationship resembles a dictatorship, run! The cloudy judgment situation I just mentioned above might make personal ownership of this reality hard, if this is the case sincerely ask a friend what he/she thinks about the status of your relationship. Ask a friend you can trust, not a biased friend or a friend that does weird immature attention seeking behaviors. Get the dirty, raw truth.

Here are some examples that may help you realize you are in trouble (SO = Significant Other):

• SO may give you a hard time ANY time you chat with another girl/boy
• SO gets mad if you check out another male/female
• SO may give you a pouty-face any time you want to do something without him/her**
• SO may be violent
• SO may rant incessantly while under the influence of alcohol or drugs***
• SO may be very rigid in their belief system and cut you off very quickly if your opinion diverges
• SO spends an awful lot of time talking badly about your friends
• SO wants to move very fast in the relationship IE. say “I love you” within a few weeks
• SO makes you feel insecure ON PURPOSE
• SO constantly accuses you of making them insecure
• SO makes you feel bad for inviting friends over to your own house
• SO has mommy OR daddy issues
• All of SOs friends mysteriously hate you, even though they don’t know you

If you find yourself in one of these “hot and heavy” relationships, yes I understand that dick or pussy may be lightning in a can, but please do us all a favor and at least sit back and objectively inspect your relationship. Do you hide aspects of your relationship from your close friends or parents? Do you find yourself hardly ever doing what you used to do, and only what new guy/girl wants to do/ wants you to do? These might all be signs of trouble.

If you have deemed the relationship is indeed true love****, talk to your SO and explain to them you would like to slow down and build a real relationship based on solid ground, hell, get counseling if you deem it appropriate. Bottom line is, you don’t have to end it, just realize that relationships built on solid groundings are much healthier and will add to the overall happiness of both parties.

If you are in one of these relationships and they go unchecked plan on some of the following to occur in your life:

• Getting arrested
• Physical fights
• Jealousy
• You losing friends
• Constant drama

I originally planned on writing this short article as a brutal stab at dictatorship style relationships^ but rather I decided to take the higher path and tried to outline a route one may navigate if they feel that they may be susceptible to this type of situation. I realized that hindsight isn’t 20/20, and that I have fallen prey to one or more of these seemingly endless cycles of mutual abuse. Always remember teddy bears are usually on sale at Wal-mart if you need comfort. Also good sex costs about $150 on, which is about the same cost you are probably spending on dinner/movies/etc to get that sweet vagina/dick if stuck in one of these lame relationships. But I will concede, “damn, sex is good with crazy bitches!”

* thought I was in love
** manipulation
*** or sober
**** realize it probably isn’t
^ Which have been on the rise for various sociological reasons, at the top of the list; pseudo-facebook-superstar mentality.

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